I’ve watched “Deadliest Catch” since it first started. It was one of the shows that Jon and I used to “watch” together (ie. we either literally watched it together, or we did separately but talked about it later). I’m a sucker for some of these shows like “Ice Road Truckers”, “Black Gold”, and a couple others.
Tonight one of the crusty old captains of the ship said something that rings so true to me, especially now. He has captained this boat for a long time and now he has his two sons working on it (and has for the past couple of years). Tonight he got talking about how sometimes his kids don’t work as hard as a “regular” member of the crew may work. But then he turned to the camera and said:
“Would I get more productivity out of somebody else other than my kids? Yeah…yeah. But then again, you know, I get to spend time with my kids and there’s not enough money in the world that can buy that.”
That’s so true. Looking back, with the 20/20 hindsight, I wish I would have spent more time with Jon, even just doing stupid stuff. It’s one of those things that you don’t always think about until it’s too late. We did spend a lot of time together, all things considered, after all, what 19 year old wants to spend all that much time with his old man? To a point, yes, but then again, he’s dealing with his own growing up and other issues, he needed his own time.
It’s one of those “woulda, coulda, shoulda” things. Would have it changed anything in the end? No. Would it make me feel better now? Yes. I do know that I did spend a good amount of time with him, and near the end, as much as he’d let me, but looking back it’s easy to find times I could have done better. I’ve come to accept this, and know that I did OK. It’s still hard to think that if I had done XXXX differently, things would have been different, despite knowing that deep down that’s not true.